Bits and Pieces
by rainydaydarling
Summary: Just things that wake me up in the middle of the night. They're all things I'm feeling.
1. The World

The whole world comes crashing down

When I realize that I have to lie

With your scent in my bed.

Even when it's all said and done

Even when it's over

And I have nothing to hold

But the pillow that smells like you

And a few moments of hope

I can hold dear.


	2. As You Fell Asleep

You have no Idea that

As you fell asleep

I whispered in your ear

About how I loved you

I thought to kiss you

On the corner of your mouth

And that spot behind your ear

And one softly on you eyelid

I'm sorry

I stayed awake

Just to hear you breathing

I was afraid that

If I closed my eyes

You'd be gone

When I awoke

The next day.


	3. This Whore

What did I do to deserve

This pleasure

This pain

It's almost unbearable

But the high points a worth it

Why do you tease me

You let me hold your hand

And brush the hair out of your eyes

While you fall asleep

On my shoulder

And even now

As I'm nodding off

I don't understand

How you could call

This whore beautiful


	4. Not In The Least

You're not good for me

After I get off the phone

I can't breathe

I can't see

My head spins

I love you

A love unrequited

And you don't even know

The thought never crosses your mind

You hold my hand

You kiss my cheek

You tell me you love me

But do you know

It's not in the same way

Not at all

Not in the least

And you don't even know

How you hurt me

I love you darling

More than you know

If only you knew.


	5. After

How can it hurt so bad

After everything

After you loved me

& and I loved you

after I shared my kiss

& and my fears

After we came back

& and it continued

after you didn't love me

& you stopped calling

after I had to ask

& I didn't get an answer

after I cried

& and I said I was done

after I broke down

& all this time

After everything

How can it hurt so bad


	6. Prologue

"What do you want me to do," The distress on her face pained me so much. She bit her lip, and looked away from me in almost shame.

"Could you…," The tears welled up in her eyes again, "Could you just, hold me…and tell me you love me." I reached out and pulled her delicate form to me. As I gently gathered up in my arms, and her request slipped form my lips and into her ear I knew it was true. So I pulled her closer, kissed her lightly on the top of the head, and let the words escape again. From that moment on I knew. I'd always be ok as long as she was alive…

A/N, This was originaly it's own story, but I can't get it to go anywhere in my head, so for now it stays a poem, but this is not an artists rendering of a real life event. I just thought that had to be said. One day I will continue. Sorry.

Thanks for the Reviews


	7. Scream

if i were ok

would i cry till my eyes were sore

i'm so drained

I can barely stand it.

if i were ok

would i sob till tears wouldn't come

i'm so tired

i can barely breathe.

if i was ok

would i hold it in till it hurt

i'm so supressed

i can barely live.

if i was ok

would i scratch till i bleed

i'm so broken

i can't barely heal.

won't somebody help me

won't somebody see

can't someone help me

&letmescream


	8. With One Moment

i am broken  
inexplicably, irrevocably, instantaneously  
changed, for the worse

i am to do nothing about it  
totally, absolutely, entirely  
impotent, i will be

i am ripped in half  
further, continued, else  
shredded, beyond any recognition

i am not to be fixed  
perfectly, extensively, ultimately  
broken, i will stay


	9. My Worst Fear

My tears are falling

i wish my soul to reap

i'm exhausted

yet i can't sleep

my mind is clear

yet my eyes still swell

because deep down

i know what i'm crying about

Now she's calling

she wants me to speak

i heard what she said

but it's a secret i'd rather keep

it's my worst fear

she says if i tell

it'll lift me a pound

but they'll just start to shout

Since then nothings been the same

i've been distant and deranged

my tears, still falling

pray my soul to keep


	10. Rant

i love you.i want you.your beautiful.and all the things i should say.it felt good while we sat with the colors flashing before our faces.when we touched but didn't kiss.like i wished.i've come full circle.i'm almost back where i started.which means i hate you.because in my dreams we shared a kiss.i can tell no one.because they'll listen.i won't kiss and tell.i'm sick you know.so sick i've turned numb.you'll never know.i like to rant.so be kind to me.don't ask


	11. Broken

broken

when you put your life on a line  
and you walk it  
when your life doesn't match the line  
when you stray from that line  
and you fall  
and you scratch  
and you cry  
and you wake up in the middle of the night  
sobbing  
and gasping  
because i can't tell you  
because i can't loose you  
but i swear i can't live without you


	12. My Doll

I bet you didn't know

but you have your hands around my heart

and every time you open your mouth

you squeeze

with every kind word

You skip a beat

I bet you didn't know

but you know where I hurt most

and every time you turn to look at me

my stitches stretch

with every fond glance

You nurse my wounds

I bet you didn't know

but you breath for me

and every time you touch me

I can't catch my breath

with every passing second

You breath a little easier

I'm sure you don't know

but, I'm afraid you have you're hands around my heart

and one day, when you open your mouth

you'll take it

along with every compliment

And I won't beat

I'm sure you don't know

but, I'm afraid you know where I hurt most

and one day, when you turn to look me

you'll break my stitches

with every indifferent glance

I'll scratch myself up inside

I'm sure you don't know

but, I'm afraid you breath for me

and one day, when you let go

you'll stop, and

every passing second

Will bring suffocation.

I don't know if I can handle you doll

when you want to leave


	13. For You

There's a spot on my waist

That's only for your hug

whether you're here or not

There's an emptiness in my hand

That's only for your hand  
whether they're cold or not

There's a place in my mind

That's only for your face

whether I'll see it or not

There's a story I can tell

That's only for your ears

whether you're listening or not

There's room in my life

That's only for you to fill

whether you fill it or not

There's a fear in my soul

That's only for your words

whether you'll admit it or not


	14. Mirror

The girl in the mirror is looking at me

She's breaking me down

She says I'm not strong enough

She says I can't handle it

and I believe her

The girl in the mirror is laughing at me

She's beating me up

She says I'm not stable enough

She says I can't make it

and I can't ignore her

The girl in the mirror is screaming at me

She's yelling in my ear

She says I'm not good enough

She says I can't keep you

and I can't turn her away

The girl in the mirror is always right

She says I'm so screwed up

It's just tough luck

I don't deserve you

I'm not worth it

I should give up

I don't love you

It's just not true

I know what happens when I'm with you

She not here when you are

Toned down to static in the background

You say you love me

She says you lie

You say I'm gorgeous

She says I'm ugly

You tell me I'm everything

She says I'm nothing

I'll try to tell you

but she says I'm crazy

You'll never believe me


	15. How Long

When you leave me

I'll cry for days

and claim I knew we were slipping away

I'll be a whore for any one who wants some

My body will be public property

While my heart is trapped inside

longing for you to come back

anyone else will be second best

when you leave me

I'll be silent and uncollected

Diligently executing my self destruction

Festering my secret break

I'll gorge my body

on crack and wine

and purge my being

with vomit and bleeding

I'll become numb

and cut just for fun

each scar deeper then the last

trying to cut you out

I'll kiss strangers

but I'll wish they were you

and I love you and I'm not sure how long till

you won't say

I love you too


	16. Narrative

A/N: _I'm trying something a little different here. This came to me while I was reading, and I thought it was interesting, so here you go._

* * *

I grew up with old ladies telling me I was pretty

Old ladies and my mother

Which is why I didn't believe them

No one my age told me I was pretty

But that's probably only because i never complained of being ugly

That's only because I wasn't a conceded stuck up bitch

What did I think?

I thought I was pretty some days

I suppose it depends what kind of day it was

On a good day I'd look ok

On a great day I'd look hot

but a bad day would bring a sigh

and a horrid day would bring tears

I didn't like the mirror very much.


	17. Hopeful Forgotten

Dear Mother,

I cried myself to sleep again.

I know you can't hear me,

but I was talking to you.

There's one thing I regret,

The tears you've raped me of

and the hours you stole.

You have peace of mind,

because I lied.

I think you took mine.

I love a wonderful boy,

12 months in 14 days.

I bet you don't know.

I think I'm sorry cause

you moved away,

But I don't wish you back.

I don't want anything,

not from you.

I want you to quit,

stop giving reminders,

that you're gone,

that you left.

Even when you were here,

I was alone most times,

but now I'm promised

loneliness all the time.

I'm tired of crying,

I'm tired of lying.

One more year

till I'll be finished with you.

Please leave me alone.

Truthfully,

Your Forgotten Daughter


	18. i

i can not want to be happy

i want misery

i am feeling her heartache

i can not want you

i want to fuck up

i am making her choices

i can not have you close

i want to detach

i am turning into her

i can not feel

i want to be touched

i am trying to find how

i can not cry

i want horrible things

i am spitting out lies

i can not want to be happy

i can not want you

i can not have you close

i can not feel

i can not cry

i want misery

i want to fuck up

i want to detach

i want be touched

i want horrible things

i am feeling her heartache

i am making her choices

i am turning into her

i am trying to find how

i am spitting out lies


End file.
